Change

Hello Dear Readers,

Recently I’ve been musing over the idea of change, both required and not-required that we go through in our various relationships (platonic and romantic).  It has me wondering, should we really expect other people to change in order to sustain any kind of relationship?

On one hand I’m of the opinion that no one should ever really have to change in order to sustain any kind of relationship. We are who we are and we shouldn’t have to alter that to make ourselves jive better with someone else.

On the other hand, of course, I’m of the opinion that all relationships must involve compromise from both parties and that compromise most generally will include some sort of change. It can be as simple as recognizing one’s pet peeves and trying one’s best not to cause those to flare up with the other person.

But then again, relationships are always voluntary, so if a relationship would cause someone to change the way that he or she is and they do not want to, maybe that should be the deciding factor? We all know that nothing in this world will ever last, certainly relationships of any kind are ridiculously fleeting in the grand scheme of things. Mayhap both people in any kind of relationship should realize when the relationship can no longer be sustained and should just move on.

until next time

Jim

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Writing nothing is hardest of all

Hello Long-Neglected Readers,

I hope that you are, as always, doing well.  As an update to my last post, we’ve found a perfectly amazing apartment in a really awesome location!

Sometimes I have so much to write but just not enough words to express it, so I apologize for the long silence. Things have been crazy busy and I haven’t really had any time to think about things enough, to find a way to adequately express what I want to say.

This summer has brought so many lessons so far. Some I haven’t really wanted to learn and others were, naturally, planned. I didn’t read nearly as much as I’d hoped to, though perhaps this winter I’ll be able to really throw myself into some more reading and definitely more writing.

Sorry for the lack of words tonight, more to follow when I find them.

until next time,

Jim

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Apartment Search

Dearest Readers,

So recently I’ve been on the hunt for an apartment. I’m moving from the suburbs I’ve lived in since I moved to the metro to the midtown area. I must confess, this is the very first time I have ever looked at more than one apartment before signing a lease, and it is exhausting work. Luckily, I’m making my future roomie do most of the work 😉 I haven’t had a roomie since my freshman year of college and it was, to put it nicely, a disaster. So the roomie thing is also a new thing for me, but one I’m sorta excited about.

So anyway, we want what everyone wants it an apartment, stellar location, off-street parking, cheap, etc. We aren’t terribly locked into location, which almost makes it more difficult. There are so many apartments to choose from, and because of the areas we are looking in, we usually find it necessary to do drive by the area before we even call to look at them.

Honestly, it’s worse than trying to find a date!

In the end, I can only hope that all of the searching will be worth it.

I will keep you posted!

until next time,

Jim

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Cleaning out the closet

Hello again, dear friends

The other day I decided that it was time I cleaned out my closet. I don’t know about you, but closets tend to be the places I put things that I don’t know what else to do with and inevitably my closet starts looking more and more like a crazy storage unit rather than a place to store clothes. There were boxes of stuff that I hadn’t even looked at since I moved into this apartment two and a half years ago.

When  I start cleaning my closet, I begin first by taking everything out and then I go through everything and start making piles: trash, keep, and good will.

Lately, I’ve been realizing that I have a “closet” if you will in my mind where I put things that I don’t know what else to do with. Some of these things are things that I just don’t want to deal with, some of them are past heart-bruises, and some of them are those things I’ve done that I regret most. It’s funny how when I move things to the closet it’s a lot easier to not think of them. Like the closet in my bedroom, though, the closet where I hide my emotions tends to get cluttered and full at at times and need cleaning.

Dear friends, I wish that cleaning this closet were as easy as cleaning my bedroom one. While making the decision that my super skinny jeans from back when I was prettier than I am now will never fit me again might have been a tough one, that decision pales in comparison to sifting through the things I’ve taken care to hide from even myself. The majority of me knows that these things should all be put in the “trash” pile and to move them out and forget about them. They aren’t doing me any good sitting in the corner and what doesn’t do me any good should just be thrown away.

There is another part of me that refuses to let these things go, and I’m entirely sure. Mayhap because more and more recently I’ve the feeling that not only am I coming to the conclusion that I don’t think I want to be with someone for the rest of my life but I’m becoming, as Missy Higgins says, “the bad fruit nobody buys.”

Perhaps I should just let these things go and not let them sit around anymore, cluttering space that could definitely go to better use.

Oh well, sorry for the personal crap.

until next time,

Jim

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An Atheist Struggles with the Mediocrity of Life

Dearest Readers,

When I decided that atheism was really the direction that my ideas about religion, god, and everything else were leading me, on some level I think I thought that atheism would be a lot easier than the religious faith that I had tried previously. I’m saddened and perhaps a little embarrassed to have thought that now, when I find out that atheism is perhaps an ever more difficult road than religious faith.

You see, dear readers, as an atheist, I can’t simply just give up on any of life’s “big questions.” I can’t just say, “God made it,” or  “That’s the way God planned it.” Instead, I must give thought to questions and seek out answers for questions that seem impossible to really answer. Important note: Impossible to really answer does not in any way shape or form insinuate that the answer is impossible because it lies with some god.

One of the things I’ve been struggling a lot with lately is coming to terms with the reality of life. When I say this, I mean the reality of life in that it isn’t nearly as “great” as perhaps I’d like. That my role in the universe isn’t nearly as central to the grand scheme as I should like to think. The idea that all of my actions, my entire life, means nothing at all to the big picture of Life, is hard to digest. Even things that seem like momentous events in Human history are of no consequence.

Religion helps to take away these realities, providing a false sense of uniqueness and purpose to life. With most religions, there is a supernatural being and he notices you, (either loving or hating) and even if the being hates you, he at least knows you, and this idea makes the believer on some level feel important. The believers actions are thought to mean something, and thus even if life is mediocre at best, it is still perceived as “special” because the deity notices.

some thoughts, dear ones.

until next time,

Jim

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Slow down!

Hello Dearest Readers,

I hope, as always, that this post finds you well.

Recently, I found myself discussing with a good friend of mine the dynamics, if you will, of gay relationships and gay dating in general. It was during this discussion that I realized it seems that gay dating seems to move a lot quicker in the progression of things than do most straight dating situations. While I certainly acknowledge that broad generalizations do not necessarily mean anything, since they are just broad, it still seems to me that most especially with respect to sex, gay men jump the gun quite a bit faster than straight couples.

Why is this, I wonder? There certainly could be some biological factors at work, but Im not sure that I’m inclined to give biology all of the credit here. It seems to me that the very culture surrounding gay lifestyles encourgaes and is in fact built upon an extremely liberal sexuality. Sexuality seems to pervade every aspect of gay dating, from the very get-go.

Another of my friends has recently shared that he knows of someone who, if after three dates he has not had sex with the other guy, mentally moves the other guy into the “friend” category rather than the “potential boyfriend” category. Three dates??? Dear friends, that seems dangerously fast! Where is the rush? This seems like a ludicrous rule to enforce, and underscores my feelings that gay relationships progress much faster than straight ones.

I would rather take my time before jumping into bed with someone. Don’t get me wrong, dear readers, I love sex! I just think that waiting has many advantages that not waiting simply does not have. For me, at least, I don’t tend to get attached to someone very much until we start having sex. Once sex is introduced, I find it much harder to part ways without a bruise on the heart, if you will. So taking my time before jumping into bed serves to guard myself against unnecessary emotional strife.

Another advantage is that waiting actually makes sex better. There is a mystery about sex with someone new that, I’ve found, if you let build, creates a delicious sexual tension that can make that first sexual experience with someone new truly mind-dazzling.

I know that gay relationships are highly sexually charged, and I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing, I just think it would help us all if we slowed things down a bit, yknow?

until next time,

Jim

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Pride and other things

Hello Dearest Readers,

This weekend is the end of KC Pride Week. Very exciting, let me tell ya. I went out with my friend on Friday night to Power the night with Pride. While I know that I tend to go on a lot of dates, but the wonderful thing about Pride is that they are nearly all out and about just waiting to run into me again. Because it’s Pride and it’s a bunch of a gay people, it always surprises me that none of these run-ins ever turn crazy bitchy.

It did start me thinking that the whole dating thing would be a whole lot easier if there was some kind of End of Dating Questionnaire. Yknow? Kind of like those surveys that students take every year for their teachers. Then there would be affirmations (what did you like best about so-and-so) and also things to work on (what did you least like about so-and-so). Then we wouldn’t be left to wonder why nothing happened beyond a date or two.

Relationships are perhaps easier to come away with information about why it didn’t work since they usually last longer. Casual dates on the other hand seem to have so many more variables to them, there isn’t a deeper attraction, so any small mistake could turn the other person off enough that there wouldn’t be any more dates.

Perhaps after too many dates I’ve become a bit bitter and jaded by the prospect of dating. But honestly, why does it have to all be so gray and not clear-cut? I value order and structure in life and dating is chaotic and wrought with feelings.

Oh well, just some thoughts from the perpetually single.

until next time,

Jim

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