Slow down!

Hello Dearest Readers,

I hope, as always, that this post finds you well.

Recently, I found myself discussing with a good friend of mine the dynamics, if you will, of gay relationships and gay dating in general. It was during this discussion that I realized it seems that gay dating seems to move a lot quicker in the progression of things than do most straight dating situations. While I certainly acknowledge that broad generalizations do not necessarily mean anything, since they are just broad, it still seems to me that most especially with respect to sex, gay men jump the gun quite a bit faster than straight couples.

Why is this, I wonder? There certainly could be some biological factors at work, but Im not sure that I’m inclined to give biology all of the credit here. It seems to me that the very culture surrounding gay lifestyles encourgaes and is in fact built upon an extremely liberal sexuality. Sexuality seems to pervade every aspect of gay dating, from the very get-go.

Another of my friends has recently shared that he knows of someone who, if after three dates he has not had sex with the other guy, mentally moves the other guy into the “friend” category rather than the “potential boyfriend” category. Three dates??? Dear friends, that seems dangerously fast! Where is the rush? This seems like a ludicrous rule to enforce, and underscores my feelings that gay relationships progress much faster than straight ones.

I would rather take my time before jumping into bed with someone. Don’t get me wrong, dear readers, I love sex! I just think that waiting has many advantages that not waiting simply does not have. For me, at least, I don’t tend to get attached to someone very much until we start having sex. Once sex is introduced, I find it much harder to part ways without a bruise on the heart, if you will. So taking my time before jumping into bed serves to guard myself against unnecessary emotional strife.

Another advantage is that waiting actually makes sex better. There is a mystery about sex with someone new that, I’ve found, if you let build, creates a delicious sexual tension that can make that first sexual experience with someone new truly mind-dazzling.

I know that gay relationships are highly sexually charged, and I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing, I just think it would help us all if we slowed things down a bit, yknow?

until next time,


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