Friendships.

Hello dearest readers,

Have you ever stopped and wondered what happened between yourself and a friend? Lately I’ve been wondering about friendships a lot, like why we form them, what holds them together, what happens when they go bad. I mean, if you stop to think about it, why do we form friendships? What between two people designates friendship over other forms of relationships?  What kind of compulsion forces us to seek out other people to spend our time with and share secrets to?  Does that make any sense?

When friendships are in the early stage, what decides when a friendship will progress onward to the more long-lasting bonds or die off into an acquaintance relationship?  It seems to me that the bonds are always tenuous at best, but something clearly initiates a bond that isn’t as likely to break at some point.  New friendships are very intriguing to me, as try as I might, I cannot pinpoint exactly what brings two people together in that way.  Sexual relationships are easier to understand, there is a clear purpose to them.  But friendship relationships have so many more variables.  People can use other people, confide in other people, be used by other people, or form a truly symbiotic friendship with the other one.

Then too, if friendships get past the earlier stages at progress to what we might label “best-friend stage,” then what can be so catastrophic at this point to break that bond?  It seems to me that the bonds of friendship when they do reach this level tend to be strong than that of sexual relationships.  They do not dissolve nearly as easily as a sexual relationship, and I think oftentimes friendships that are destroyed are just that: destroyed.  Best friends hardly ever just slip back into regular friends or even to acquaintances, something happens to so totally and completely drive them apart that things get ugly.

And this is exactly why it would seem ludicrous to an outsider why we form friendships.  We get close to people, tell them our most intimate secrets and then if it ends, we’ve left ourselves incredibly vulnerable.

Just some things I’ve been thinking about, and wanted to explore further.

Until next time,

Jim

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  1. #1 by pfenuelsaunders on October 23, 2009 - 2:26 pm

    My theory behind all of this is that people come into your life for a reason. You don’t know it, they don’t know it. However, later in life, upon reflection of each of the people you run into, you learn something or your life takes some sort of turn. I sat around one day, because I apparently have nothing better going on with my life and thought about these types of friends.

    Catherine. She’s been my friend since 4th grade. I would consider her a best friend at this point. We met in class when we got assigned to work on a project together. Throughout the years we’ve been there for each other in pivital points. We rarely actually see each other. We currently live about 1000 miles a part. However, every time we have a reconnect, it is as if no time has ever passed. I think she’s there to keep track of things for me and keep me grounded and keep me guided.

    Andrea. I am no longer friends with this person. However, we were inseperable for about 6-7 years. She was soo smart and so encouraging that it pushed me to do better. She influenced me to go to college, get my degree, etc. If it weren’t for her, I might not have done any of that.

    Tom. I still consider him my friend, but we’re loosing contact. Tom came into my life when I was in a worry about coming out. I was unsure who I was, unsure about what I wanted, unsure about the world of gay. He was my laison for the gay community. He introduced me to good people, helped me navigate around the bad, and basically get my to come out to everyone and be more comfortable within my own skin. Now that I consider myself to be an out and proud gay man comfortable with who I am, perhaps my need for him is gone? And that’s why the relationship is fading? I don’t know.

    Gino. This was a random guy I met a party. He got me a job at my current company, by which I’ve been employeed now for over 6 years. I’ve grown within the company, gotten 5-6 promotions and I continue to grow. I don’t talk to him at all now. He’s long since quit his job within this company.

    I’d like to think that I helped each of them too in their own ways. I am not aware of them necessarily. But I think that there is a reason for every person we meet.

    Which takes me back to your relationship blog. I want one of these people to be my best friend eventually… and from that, mold into my boyfriend/husband/forever guy… but that’s the hopeful idiotic side of head. I don’t know what the future holds, and I guess I don’t want to.

    Anyway, sorry about the long rants.

    Later gator.

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