one hit wonders

Delightful readers,

I’ve been wondering lately why some first dates seem amazing, but then the second date reveals that the first was simply a glitch, that when we went out the first time, it seemed like things were definitely going to go further, only to realize on the second that whatever spark we’d thought we’d felt was clearly nothing.  I’ve been on countless first dates, and quite a few second dates.  The number of third and more dates decreases drastically.  Is this because it is easier to be interesting, impressive, and charming on the first date, but becomes less and less easy to pull off as the dates pile up?

Perhaps.  But I think it surely must be more than that.  I understand that we always try to portray ourselves in the best light, but since we all do it, we all know that everyone else does it too.  Even moreso, does the fact that I find good first dates to be fulfilling enough on some level indicate that I’ve played the game far too much?  Or perhaps that I’m playing it for the wrong reasons, or the wrong goals in mind?  Don’t get me wrong, part of me is dissapointed when I go on that second date only to find that whatever I thought interested me the first time was completely lacking on the second time.  But on some level, it’s nice to feel a connection, however briefly, and to know that both of us at least agree on the fact that we shouldn’t pursue things with each other.

It seems to me that first dates are full of the easy questions and stories, and that would indicate that second dates would be harder (and logically, harder for a “spark” to survive) because we would move beyond the surface questions and have to start pondering some of the questions that form the foundation of who we are.  This, I think, is perhaps why I don’t go on many third or more dates.  The things that make a person who they are really interest me, but I think a lot of times all of us have something very certain we want to see in someone else, and are perhaps a bit scared when their foundations don’t seem to be made of the things that would be compatible with ours.

I wonder then if sometimes I just quit too early.  Maybe if I would stick it out a few more dates, I’d get to really know the other person and find out that what makes him him would surely be compatible with what makes me me.   Then too, I could find out that I really despise everything he is and stands for, and have to reconcile the fact that I’ve wasted who knows how long on a relationship I felt was doomed from the very second date.

I think on some level, the task (if I can call it that) of finding someone to spend my time with seems so daunting that I go at it just like someone who was searching a haystack for a needle.  I quickly pick pieces from the stack, and on seeing they do not immediately resemble the infamous needle, I toss them aside and reach for the next one.  In doing this, it is entirely possible that what looked like a piece of hay that I tossed to the side was in fact the needle I so wanted to find.

Oh well, I guess I’ll continue to find solace in those one hit wonders of a first dates.

until next time,


  1. #1 by pfenuelsaunders on October 23, 2009 - 2:10 pm

    I want to let you know that this is only a share in stories, not a piece of advice. Haha. I don’t date. Not in the traditional sense of the word anyway. I try to do a lot of pre-screening via phone, text, e-mails, whatever. If they pass this, and it’s for an undetermined length of time, then we hang out for a very low pressure scenario and let it go from there. Every now and again, I’ll go out with the guy even if there’s no spark from pre-screening, I always get mad with myself because it’s usually so terrible and I KNEW that there wasn’t a spark. Anyway, I’m finding that more and more it’s all just a huge waste of time.

    I also hate the fact that everyone I meet has a catch. Like, I meet this incredible guy that I really liked. Then, a few dates in, he informs me that he can’t “get off” unless he gets peed on. GROSS! Absolute deal breaker. Others have been racists, which never makes sense to me. My natural instinct was to start hating the gay community. I realized how dumb that was after a while. I think the entirety of the single community comes across these “awesome” circumstances. So, now I’m finding myself looking for their deal breaker.

    Aaaaaaaanyway, this was way longer and ranty than it was supposed to be. The moral of the story, for me, is that I’m sorry that your dating life is as disappointing as mine. However, I’m also thrilled to know that it isn’t ONLY my “dating” style that’s failing. Haha.

    Well… good luck! 🙂

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