I’ve been wondering lately why some first dates seem amazing, but then the second date reveals that the first was simply a glitch, that when we went out the first time, it seemed like things were definitely going to go further, only to realize on the second that whatever spark we’d thought we’d felt was clearly nothing. I’ve been on countless first dates, and quite a few second dates. The number of third and more dates decreases drastically. Is this because it is easier to be interesting, impressive, and charming on the first date, but becomes less and less easy to pull off as the dates pile up?
Perhaps. But I think it surely must be more than that. I understand that we always try to portray ourselves in the best light, but since we all do it, we all know that everyone else does it too. Even moreso, does the fact that I find good first dates to be fulfilling enough on some level indicate that I’ve played the game far too much? Or perhaps that I’m playing it for the wrong reasons, or the wrong goals in mind? Don’t get me wrong, part of me is dissapointed when I go on that second date only to find that whatever I thought interested me the first time was completely lacking on the second time. But on some level, it’s nice to feel a connection, however briefly, and to know that both of us at least agree on the fact that we shouldn’t pursue things with each other.
It seems to me that first dates are full of the easy questions and stories, and that would indicate that second dates would be harder (and logically, harder for a “spark” to survive) because we would move beyond the surface questions and have to start pondering some of the questions that form the foundation of who we are. This, I think, is perhaps why I don’t go on many third or more dates. The things that make a person who they are really interest me, but I think a lot of times all of us have something very certain we want to see in someone else, and are perhaps a bit scared when their foundations don’t seem to be made of the things that would be compatible with ours.
I wonder then if sometimes I just quit too early. Maybe if I would stick it out a few more dates, I’d get to really know the other person and find out that what makes him him would surely be compatible with what makes me me. Then too, I could find out that I really despise everything he is and stands for, and have to reconcile the fact that I’ve wasted who knows how long on a relationship I felt was doomed from the very second date.
I think on some level, the task (if I can call it that) of finding someone to spend my time with seems so daunting that I go at it just like someone who was searching a haystack for a needle. I quickly pick pieces from the stack, and on seeing they do not immediately resemble the infamous needle, I toss them aside and reach for the next one. In doing this, it is entirely possible that what looked like a piece of hay that I tossed to the side was in fact the needle I so wanted to find.
Oh well, I guess I’ll continue to find solace in those one hit wonders of a first dates.
until next time,